iZombie | Television Show | The CW

Disclaimer : No copyright infringement intended | Content might contains spoilers | Viewer discretion is advised

One of the most anticipated tvshow in 2015 !!! This loose adaptation of comic book series of the same name, iZombie is finally here! Airs on CW every Tuesday and sets for 13 episode for its first season.

Powers | Television series | 2015

Disclaimer : No copyright infringement intended | Content might contains spoilers and graphic pictures | Viewer discretion is advised

Take set in an alternate universe where mere-humans and super-humans co-exist together side by side. Some super-humans treated as celebrity, living lavishly and almost "untouchable by law", some super-humans live like an outsider, and some are criminals to hunt down and lock up. Super-humans is the kind of "group" you dont want to deal with OR you desperately want to become a part of, either way it's pretty much like our normal daily life.

HOW TO SING THE BLUES (attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.
ex. I got a good woman -- with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.

ex. Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
a. violet b. beige c. mauve

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the Blues: a. the highway b. the jailhouse c. the empty bed
Bad places: a. Ashrams b. Gallery openings c. weekend in the Hamptons

11. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

12. Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can't be satisfied.

No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf
c. you have a trust fund.

13. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.
Other blues beverages are: a. wine b. Irish whiskey c. muddy water

Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.

16. Some Blues names for Women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie

17. Some Blues Names for Men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Lightning

NOTE: Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

17B. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)
a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)

c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

You May Mix and Match

Charity Vance - The Diner Song Lyric

He likes the sunny side she likes the shady
Diner everyday 8 in the morning
Dear they're in their 70's
That could be you and me

Have you ever pictured us in the future
Is this too much or have you ever wondered
Look at me c'mon lets dream

I wanna share my socks with you
I wanna cook pancakes for two
And all of the sudden we're inspired
To write a song on the kitchen counter

You...
Oh I see you
On my thoughts and in my dreams
I hope that you see me too

You...
Oh you're still teaching me guitar
Oh baby you can do it
And I complained that it's too hard
You...

You know that time when we stopped at the red lights
I say a random name and you ask if it's for my child
The little girl with the curls
You smiled and laughed at me
Say the name's a little too quirky
But it's fine we've got the time
Oh darling how did I get

You...
Oh I see you
In my thoughts and in my dreams
I hope that you see me too

You...
Oh and you're still teaching me guitar
Oh baby you can do it
And I complained that it's too hard

Oh you..
We're taking road trips in the car
Just to get away to see a brand new place
You...

He likes the sunny side she likes the shady
Diner everyday 8 in the morning
Dear, they're in their 70's
That could be you and me

Being someone's first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect

How To Dress Like Your Favorite Female Singer (Part 2)

Disclaimer : I am not a professional in fashion. No shaming/bashing/humiliation nor copyright infringement intended. Viewer discretion is advised.

Hilarious Affair Stories

The 1st Affair

A married man is having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep, and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed, and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary...we had sex all afternoon.'


She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters.
But they always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.


The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'


The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'


The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest penis he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, horrified.
'Schwartz is dead???'


The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.
'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing...'


The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent!?!' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'


The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted. 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'


'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

Backstrom

Backstrom is a new crime/satyr/drama television show that airs every Thursday 9:00 PM on FOX channel started on January 22, 2015. Took set in Portland, Oregon but originally based off a detective story book by a Swedish author, Leif G. W. Persson.

Disorder in the Courts

From a book called Disorder in the Courts; things people actually said in court, published by court reporters that had to stay calm while the exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________


ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
_____________________________________


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________


ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

CSI: CYBER

WARNING:
SPOILER ALERT Mode: ON

Viewer discretion is advised

Self Injury Awareness Day 2015

Don't judge, EMPATHIZE!
Don't preach, LISTEN!
Don't walk away, HOLD THEIR HANDS!

There's nothing pretty about self-harming nor taboo to talk about.
Most people will think that those who "cuts" themselves as losers, cowards or morons.
Maybe you're right...

There are times when our mind thinking too loud, we heard static ringing in our ears.
There are times when we couldn't find words to communicate verbally.
There are times when we just need to do something to release all the suffocating pressures.
And when those times come, we often turn to pain...
We're on constant battle with our emotions.

We need the pain to validate that it is real, not a dream.
The scars to remind us of what we've been through.

But don't get me wrong, we do want to live.
We're not proud of what we did to our self, thus why we hide it so well.
We know we need help, but often don't know how or who to ask, but mostly we feel we don't have the option to seek help.

Don't judge, EMPATHIZE!
Don't preach, LISTEN!
Don't walk away, HOLD MY  HAND!